ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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