did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
