Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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