chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
