I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
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