and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
