She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize