I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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