I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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