I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
