Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
