I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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