she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
