made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
