Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
