Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Boobs speak an international language.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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