drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
