wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
