On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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