If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
