So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
