Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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