I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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