She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Operation Purity has been aborted
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
