I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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