i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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