i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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