Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
