Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
