Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
