Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize