We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
