At least make sure they are 18
Why
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
