i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
