I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm at about main and main street
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
