Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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