the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She just used a chaser for red wine.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
