Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
