I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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