OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
you had me at cake vodka
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
