There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
