I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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