Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize