would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
