i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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