ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
