You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
