I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
