our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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