i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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