No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Green mimosas i think yes
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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