i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
