Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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