This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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