She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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