You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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