my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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