I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
