You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The feeling are messing with the penis
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
