you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
