I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
