You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Randomize
