the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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