My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
