1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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