plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
