I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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