There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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