In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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