Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
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