woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
