Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
