You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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