Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
