I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
