Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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