I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
