He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
