im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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