If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You're a waste of cheezeits
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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