there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
