fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
