Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize