She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
