I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
