she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
