I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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