I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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