Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
FUCK WHALES
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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