If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize