Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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