I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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