I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
