I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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