I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
