Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
