my text book just quoted the cookie monster
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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