the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
