So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
