i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
