Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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