textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
FUCK WHALES
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize