This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
