i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He shit in the fireplace
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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