afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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