I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
so let's talk penis.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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