The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
