Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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